Ella at 1 Month

Here is Ella at one month old. She has brought some serious sunshine to our lives. Her siblings love her so much; sometimes they love her TOO much. Matthew can't even handle how much he loves her. He is very affectionate ("Can I kiss her? Can I hug her? Can I hold her? I just want to kiss her! I love Ella.") and it's just about the cutest thing I've ever seen.

We're so glad this little girl came to our family. She enjoys an abundance of love and fits right in.

Our Ella Mae

These photos and this baby are already one month old. How is it that the months after a baby is born fly right by while the months leading up to birth seem to drag on? 

Our little Ella Mae is a month old today. She has brought so much joy to our family. She's everything we imagined she'd be and more, and more, and more.

Here are her first few moments in this beautiful world.

Photography by my lovely sister Geri.

One Month Ago...

I went to bed anxious, fearful, hopeful, joyful. Knowing but not knowing the changes that were about to take place in my life. Excited for my babies to have a new sibling to love and cherish, happy for me to have my arms full instead of my belly full, looking forward to the tender moments in the hospital with just me, my baby, and my loving husband. 

I knew, yet I couldn't know, what I had to look forward to and I hoped and prayed that this baby would come soon.

Wonder of Wonders

It’s 4am on July 21, 2016, my due date with my 6th child! I’m so tired but I can’t sleep and I feel like I want to write.

As I have approached my due date I’ve been thinking about the births of each of my children. I remember thinking only a few hours after Lily was born, “That was easy! I want to do it again, I want a sister for this child!” (She was born via c-section and my morphine hadn’t yet worn off). I was young, 19 years old, and although I was thrilled to have a baby, I took the miracle of conception and birth and the sacredness of it all for granted. It was fun and exciting and I loved Lily to bits but I didn’t and couldn’t have grasped the miraculous event that I had just taken part in. As I have watched her grow and mature over the last 10 years, I am in awe of the wonderful blessing she is in my life. She has brought me an insurmountable amount of joy and is already an example to me of goodness and love. It's hard to believe that this all started with her. My first tiny baby.

Kaylee was born 17.5 very short months after Lily. Back then that year and a half was practically forever; looking back I seem to have blinked and the wait seems to have not existed at all. I had been determined to try for a VBAC with her. My doctor told me after Lily was born that I could never have a vaginal birth; it was too risky. I remember feeling disappointed and angry that he had been so quick to cut me open, potentially altering the course of my life. I had always known that I wanted a lot of children and did NOT want any kind of limit on how many I could have. I was crushed when he told me I could never give birth naturally and I decided to do my own research. I read books, researched articles and statistics, prayed, and determined that I was a great candidate for VBAC. We had moved out to California and though I didn’t have a doctor that I saw regularly (I went to a low income clinic and never saw the same person twice), I was told that if I had my baby at the UCLA Medical Center on Olive View, I could attempt a VBAC. The location was quite convenient as we were living with my grandpa and the hospital is right down the street, minutes away. I labored for 6-7 hours with her and wanted an epidural desperately. Because of the circumstances I was never able to get one. In fact, they brought the anesthetist in and as soon as he walked through the door I had to start pushing! They turned him away telling me it was too late and I was terrified! I had to push a baby out with no pain medication! To my surprise, the contractions were less painful as I pushed through them. Kaylee was born within minutes and I. Felt. Like. Superwoman. I did it! My VBAC was a success! I had defied my silly doctor and without pain meds to boot. I was beside myself with astonishment and I felt proud and was THRILLED with my new baby girl. Throughout my pregnancy they were either reluctant to reveal the gender or just were unable to tell, but I KNEW she was a girl. I was so, SO incredibly happy to have a sister for Lily and I knew that they’d be best friends. They kept me in the hospital for a loooong time after she was born, I’m not sure why, I think they forgot about me! But it gave Kaylee and I lots of snuggle and bonding time. How I adored that new tiny baby.

17.5 months after that found us in Rexburg, ID and this time it was Riley’s turn to join our family. I was a little older, if only slightly, and just the teensiest bit wiser and the blessing and wonder of bringing a child into the world meant more to me than ever. My labor with her was about an hour, a little longer, I think. This time Michael and I were alone; my mom had been present for both Lily’s and Kaylee’s births. Riley was born very early in the morning and afterwards it was just Michael and me and our newest precious baby. The room was so peaceful and quiet and the spirit was tangible. Later in the day we had LOTS of visitors! We were so lucky to live in Rexburg and be surrounded by family. My cousins all came to visit, Geri was there, and my grandpa was even in town; I think it was the only time he came to Rexburg while we lived there. Riley was surrounded by people who loved her and were so happy about her entrance into the world. It was such a fun and special time for our whole family and I will cherish the memory of being in the hospital surrounded by our most favorite people forever.

Nearly 3 years later (what a gap!) it was time for Mallory to make her debut! I had discovered I was 5-6 cm dilated and in labor at my doctor appointment that day. We met the doctor at the hospital a little while later and since I'd had two successful and unmedicated VBAC’s I was unconcerned about doing it for a 3rd time. I let him break my water AND I opted for an epidural. I would not do either again. When he broke my water her heart rate dropped to 60 bpm. It scared the life out of me but we were able to bring it back up quickly with some repositioning. I had an epidural and while it was perfectly lovely to birth a baby with absolutely no pain, I was sore at the injection site and have since learned that epidurals can be scary and that I’d rather birth naturally since it’s tolerable for me and I know I can do it. My mom was there again for this delivery and I adored my nurse who took such good care of me. Mallory was born and bringing a baby into the world seemed more miraculous and spectacular than ever! I can’t begin to describe the joy and peace that I felt. It was so fun and special to have her siblings come in and meet her. It was incredible to look around the room and see how my family had expanded.

2 years later we welcomed little Matt Boy. Oh, that boy! To tell the very honest truth, I had hoped for another girl. I was surprised when they told me he was a boy and didn’t really know what to do with one. But I was excited to meet him. When he was born they put him in my arms and the word “smitten” or the phrase “love at first site” can’t even begin to describe the emotion I felt in that moment. We were meant to be together. My soul had been waiting for his and we belonged to each other. I remember telling him I was his mommy over and over and studying his sweet face and newborn movements, grunts, yawns, oohing and awing over his first sneeze. A newborn baby had never been more miraculous to me than it was right then. Grandma Jan and Michael brought the girls over in the morning and I was amazed that I had FIVE kids. There was so much love, joy, happiness and I knew that it must be what Heaven is like. I absolutely adored watching my girls meet their baby brother. Our family was somehow all crowded around us on top of our little hospital bed and we laughed and giggled at this cute new baby and life was perfect; there was never so much joy in a room.

That last experience was a little over 2.5 years ago and now that I’m about to have another baby the feeling is more surreal than ever! When I found out I was expecting her I wanted to do a monthly photoshoot with my kids holding something that was the same size as she was as she grew in my belly. I’m so terribly unfocused when it comes to that kind of thing that I only ever took one picture. I put a sesame seed on Matthew’s face and snapped a photo. That was in November! Eight months ago, this baby was the size of a sesame seed! Now she is a 7-8 lb baby! If that’s not miraculous, then nothing is. There is a God and He is a God of miracles. Each person walking on this earth is a living, breathing miracle. What a better world this would be if we could all understand that. 

One might think that after being pregnant and giving birth 5 times, it would be no big deal and nothing out of the ordinary for me to have another one, but nothing could be further from the truth! It is still unreal to me that there is a child inside of me wiggling and waiting to be born. She is a fully developed newborn baby and ready to come into the world. How is that possible??? With each baby, the process of conceiving, growing, and birthing a baby becomes more astonishing and more miraculous to me. Everything is more special. The love that I have for my family and my children grows exponentially. I have a deeper love and a greater bond with my dear husband; we did this together! My love for God and my gratitude for Jesus grow, and grow, and grow. Families are miracles. They are special and sacred and they are of God. I am beginning to understand that concept more fully. I am ever grateful for my calling as a mother. I love these kids and being their mom more than I can even begin to express. I wish that I was more eloquent with my words so that I could properly shout out my feelings and have everyone feel what I feel. God has surely blessed me and I don’t know what I have done to deserve it, or if I even deserve the abounding blessings I have at all. I don't. But I praise Him and give Him my thanks for all I have. Everything I have and you have and we have comes from Him and I will never stop giving Him my praise and thanks.

I can’t wait to meet this girl. I can’t wait for her to be a part of our family and for her siblings to meet her and hold her and love her. I’m so thankful for her and for each one of my children. What a joy and a comfort it is to know that we belong to each other forever. Because of Heavenly Father’s plan, every family can be together forever. What a blessing.

 See the sesame seed?

Thanks to my lovely sister Rachel for this artsy photo!

And this one because I can't make this post without a photo of all my babies.

The Beginning

I have always wanted it to happen. For some reason I needed to be shoved into it. I am happy (and a little nervous) to announce that we have begun the homeschooling journey in our home. Lily and Kaylee started on Monday and I looooove having them at home with me. Riley will complete the school year at the school; there wasn't much sense in taking her out 2 months before the end of the year. She is doing really well and has a fantastic teacher. It was necessary to take Lily and Kaylee out. They were in the same class and the decision to take them out and begin homeschooling was much deliberated, pondered, and prayed over, and has been a long time coming. I should have listened to Heavenly Father a long time ago, but, alas, I am a slow learner.

Our first day was so disastrous it was comical! We had an appraiser coming to look at our house so I rushed around making sure everything looked great while the girls read their current chapter books. The appraiser came and went, they did reading logs and vocabulary/spelling words, and we piled in the car to drive 15 minutes south to shop at the grocery store, bring Michael his forgotten water bottle, and most importantly get the mail key from him! All our new homeschooling supplies were sitting in the post office, waiting to be picked up, and we couldn't wait to get our hands on it all. We drove straight there from the hospital.

As I was loading our boxes into the car I remembered that I didn't have the blocks to go with our math books (we are using a program called Math-U-See). I didn't buy them because a friend of mine offered an extra set to us; I happily took her up on it because the set is quite pricey (thank you, Nina!). I sent her a text to see when we could pick them up but discovered they were out of town until Wednesday. Bummer, but I didn't mind, we had plenty to do! Or so I thought. I excitedly flipped open our brand new history book and immediately discovered that I needed a few extra books to begin the lessons. No big deal, I thought. I could order them online and head to the library to get the books we needed to follow the curriculum for our Five-in-a-Row books. So I went through the book list and selected a few that we could use for the next few weeks. I checked the library online to make sure they were in stock and we headed over to grab them. We got to the library and boom. It's closed on Mondays! Our very first day of homeschool and we couldn't use any of our brand new supplies! We were not discouraged. Okay, the girls may have cried a little BUT I assured them that everything was okay. We got home and did some science using a nature book that I purchased a few weeks ago. With the science, reading, logs, and vocabulary, they didn't do much, but they got a LOT of reading in which I am super happy about. Reading, reading, and more reading are top priority for me. I even finished a book; My Story, by Elizabeth Smart.

Tuesday was a little more structured. The girls read a ton, did their reading logs and more vocabulary. They started a free typing course online, we read from their nature/science book and did some outdoor exploring. They started a couple of nature logs and loved making observations of the world around us.

Wednesday we did all of the same things AND started on our history because our books came in the mail (hooray for Amazon Prime!) AND we started a Book of Mormon course that I purchased through bookofmormonhistory.com. It's a pdf file that you can print at home and it covers the entire Book of Mormon. There are separate courses for grades 1-3 and 4-7; we are doing the latter. I want my kids to have a good understanding of their scriptures and I can't even tell you how excited I am about this course!

On Thursday all we did was  our Book of Mormon study in the morning because I had a doctor appointment 45 minutes away (in the Big City. Not. It's still a very small town) and any time we are up there we make sure to get some household staples since we can't get them where we live. So that took our whole day and we were unable to do much besides reading, of course! That evening we picked up a piano that a very kind friend gave to us and it was SO EXCITING for our family. After 11 years of marriage and family, we have a piano in our home! Hooray!

On Friday we totally and completely made up for Thursday's lost time. We had our new blocks and did a TON of math. We did Book of Mormon, History, reading, vocabulary, a load of writing, and more math. I went to bed last night feeling like I had run a marathon.

Today was relaxing. We finally made it to the library; it was our 3rd attempt for the week and we got there JUST as the librarian was ready to lock the door! They close super early on Saturday and I didn't know beforehand. She kindly let us in and helped us find the books on our list. Thank you, Kind Librarian! We borrowed some movies too and spent the afternoon watching them; Jungle Book and The Secret Garden. It was a nice and lazy day.

So far homeschooling has been trickier than I thought, easier than I thought, and though I knew I'd love it I underestimated how much. So far, I. LOVE. IT. and I know it will be a challenge but I honestly doubt my love for it will fade. I think it will grow and grow and I'll never want my kids to go back to school! I love being with these kiddos, teaching them, and learning with them. I'm so thankful for this opportunity. Things got pretty sour at the school before I took the girls out but I am starting to see that it was all ONE HUGE blessing in disguise.

I do not have any recent photos. I'll have to do something about that. Here are some random photos from January.

Death Valley III

We went to the sand dunes on our last day of our trip. If you ever feel like getting a serious work out just drive out to Death Valley and climb out to the tallest peaks (please don't do it in the summer, though. I don't want anyone to die.) Wow! What trip. I definitely had an easier time making that trek as a child. Michael had to leave the sand dunes (and our trip) early to attend training in Tulare, CA which left my dad to carry Matthew up several of the hills and ALL the way back to the parking lot. He's a trooper. And he probably saved my life;) Rachel carried her little baby up and down each hill as well! She amazes me! I did not carry any children. Maybe I would have assisted if I wasn't already carrying an extra 20+ pounds of pregnancy weight!

The sand dunes are really fun. We love to climb out to the tall, tall, tall dunes and sit and enjoy the breeze and the view. The kids had a great time sledding down the steep slopes and climbing back up! I had a great time watching them! (Although watching little Matthew sail down that hill was a little nerve-racking.)

 That's Zach and Kaylee. They took off to climb up to the highest peak. Kaylee sledded down and had fun for the first 5 seconds, but the next 15 seconds or so gave her the scare of her life! She got going pretty dang fast! She was brave and she didn't cry and she didn't crash. 

 Thanks for all the sand dune pictures, Rachel!

 We're all obsessed with this Lucy-child!

 This neat place is called Artist's Pallette and this photo does NOT do it justice. The different colors in the mountains were amazing! 

 I can't remember what this canyon is called and I didn't take picture of the actual canyon, dang it! BUT this was a really neat place and we were glad we stopped because a jet flew right through the canyon TWICE while we were there. It was so cool to look down and see a jet flying beneath us. You better believe that Matthew LOVED this part of our trip!

Last photo of the whole trip: Mallory being cheesy as the sun blinds her eyes.

We had such a great time camping with our family. I love these people and spending a weekend exploring with them was kind of the best. I can't wait to do it all again.