outtakes

{Lily (in a Very Fancy English Accent): "This is not the time for smoking pipes!"}

{Riley (making a breakfast request): "I want GrapeMuts!" (You had to be there. I thought it was funny)}

{Riley: "Mom, Lily called me a 'Buyer'!" (Liar)}


{Conducting some sort of "experiment" with a pan, water, strawberry syrup, and a paper towel.
Kaylee: Isn't this scientific?
Riley: Wowwww.
Kaylee: See? I told you it was scientific.
Kaylee: Mom, I'm doing something scientific.
Kaylee: Scientific. Scientific.}

{Riley (pretending I was Grandma): Grandma Howe is here!!
Sara (Kaylee's friend): I am not Grandma Hell.}

{Kaylee drank some milk that had been sitting out for a while and said, "That milk tastes like it came from a boob." What a memory that child must have!}

Lily: "If we saw Laman and Lemuel in heaven we would just punch them in the stomach!"
Me: "Well, no we probably wouldn't because then we'd be acting poorly, just like them."
Lily (matter-of-factly): "...but they're mean. "
Me: "But is it nice to punch people in the stomach?"
Lily: "noooo?"
Me: "and are Laman and Lemuel nice?"
Lily: "noooo?"
Riley (in a loud whisper): SHHHH! It's Sunday and we DON'T talk about Laman and Lemuel on Sundays!
Everyone Else: ???

Riley during sacrament meeting in a Very Loud Whisper (and out of the blue): "But it will be kind of fun to be dead because then we get to see Jesus."
Louder: "Mommy, it will be kind of fun to be dead!"
Louder: "MOMMY,  we will see Jesus when we're dead and it will be kind of fun!"

Michael had the flu and rather than sleeping in the same bed as him and risk having a near death experience I opted to sleep on the bottom bunk of the girls' bed. Kaylee was being a little miss Chatty Cathy and I told her approximately 25 times very kindly and gently that it was time to stop talking and go to bed. She. Would. Not. Stop. Finally I firmly said, "Kaylee. Stop talking, close your eyes, and go to sleep". To which she took a deep breath and responded, "YOU are a STEP-mom. You are NOT a mom. You're a step-mom." Of course all I could do was giggle very quietly to myself and type it into my phone so that I wouldn't forget it in the morning.

We had just gotten home from ballet and I didn't want Kaylee to walk to the house and get her ballet shoes all wet from the melty snow. I had her jump on my back and I carried Mallory's car seat in front of me. Kaylee had been pretending to be a cheetah and told me not to hug her too tight because she didn't want to accidentally scratch me.
Kaylee: How come you're carrying me on your back now, Mom?
Me: Um.. because you're a tiny baby cheetah riding on your mother's back.
Kaylee: O-rrrrr, because I'm the sweetest child ever!